Flightless Bird
by x.rosa.lie
Summary: New Moon - Jasper's Perspective - The single need for her blood completely erased any compassion or love I felt toward this fragile, human girl. My next action was entirely uncontrollable.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: No, I do not own any of the characters involved, or the plot. I owe all that to Stephenie Meyer.

Okay, so I've written a portion of New Moon from Jasper's perspective, just to shine a bit of light on what I thought Jasper would be feeling and thinking during Bella's dreaded birthday party. This chapter is all I've written so far, and I know it's kind of short, but I probably will update it within the next week or so once I get back home.

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A single drop of blood oozed from the slice in her slender, pale finger and cascaded through the air. Time seemed to stand still as it fell, almost in slow motion, until it finally hit the thick white carpet. Once there, it spread, leaving a small, red circle imprinted on the floor.

All of this happened in the same second, as well as another, quite considerable, thing. The same instant that the blood welled from the opening in her finger, I inhaled a sharp intake of breath—that was my big mistake.

The scent, the smell, the aroma filled my lungs, poisoned my mind. The thick shroud of control that encompassed me lifted, and my animalistic side took over. It was the control that had kept me so shy, so together and to myself—and now that control was gone, the vampiric side of me was unleashed.

I was intoxicated by the scent, the sweet luscious smell of her blood. It strangled me, knocked the breath right out of me. It filled my lungs, my mind, my soul—and all I wanted was more of it. I wanted to quench my thirst, feel it gliding, wet and hot, down my throat. The single need for this completely erased any compassion or love I felt toward this fragile, human girl.

My next action was entirely uncontrollable. If I was any better of a man it would have been avoidable. But no, I was Jasper, a bloodthirsty, out of control vampire.

The human side of me was repulsed at my actions, that I would choose to react in that way. But my vampire side, there was no stopping.

I knew in that split second before I reacted, I had only two hopes: Edward and Alice.

Alice. My love, and soul reason for my existence. The truly delectable being that was Alice. If she saw, if she could foresee my next move, there might be hope.

And Edward. My younger brother, introverted and arrogant all in one. He could hear all those thoughts right now, but was he listening? I hoped so.

And so I pounced. I sprinted head on towards Bella, this poor, fragile human that had no hope in hell of protecting herself from me, a raging monster.

Once I had reached a reasonable distance, I launched myself at her.

And my hopes came true. Not the vampire hopes, the hope that I could drain her body completely of the blood that now stained the carpet. No, the hopes that somebody might hear me, might see me.

There was a deafening crash as I slammed into Edward's body, and then fell backwards onto the floor.

The second Edward had heard my ridiculous thoughts, he threw himself into Bella, knocking her into the table, which then fell to the floor.

I crawled to my knees and lunged again, ready for another attempt. Emmett grabbed me before I could do any damage, locking my arms in his steel grip. I struggled with him, fighting against his strength.

I was completely unaware of the rest of my family: Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Rosalie, until Carlisle spoke.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside."

Emmett's voice was close behind me as he pushed me towards the door. "Come on, Jasper."

I heard Edward growl beside me, crouched low over Bella's body.

Esme stepped in front of me to hold open the door for the procession. Rosalie passed through first, keeping her distance from my snapping teeth as Emmett and I followed.

I tried my hardest to give in to Emmett and let myself calm down, and I succeeded once we were outside in the clean air.

Esme stopped at the doorway and closed it tight behind her. Emmett released me and stopped a few feet ahead of her, Rosalie at his side. None of them uttered a word.

I walked further into the garden, with my back to my family, not wanting to see their disappointed faces.

I swallowed deep lungfuls of cool air, savouring it's fresh, leafy aroma. I knew that I was under control now, outside in a wide, open space. Inside, the scent was overwhelming, suffocating me.

But I didn't want to talk to my family, I didn't want to have to face their disgust, and feel their disappointment of my lack of control.

I turned around and took one last look at them. Esme looked devastated, her soft, heart-shaped face distorted as though she might cry. Emmett looked uncomfortable, as if he didn't know what to do or say. Rosalie's face was blank, with just a hint of sympathy; I knew not to expect much obvious emotion from her though, she'd learnt from past experiences not to show her true feelings.

Each of them attempted a smile, but before they could offer any kind words, I jumped the river and disappeared into the gloomy forest.


	2. Chapter 2

_Eeeeeek, sorry it's taken me so long to update this! I only actually finished this chapter literally two minutes ago. I know I said I'd probably update it about a week after I posted the first chapter but I was on holiday and I have lots of school work to do. I'll get to work writing the next chapter straight away though. Review please!_

The wind blowing hard against my face felt good, and completely erased any remainders of the lingering aroma that suffocated me before.

I wasn't sure where I was headed exactly, just away. I wanted to be rid of the watching eyes and creeping anxiety. Ashamed, that was how I felt. Ashamed that my family felt they had to be on guard constantly, almost anticipating me to react how I had earlier. Why could I not be like them? Why were they allowed to possess this superhuman control and not I?

I slowed to a stop, almost in the centre of the forest now. There was no point running any further. I didn't want to leave them—I couldn't, not Alice. And I had to keep working, pushing myself harder. I had to overcome this weakness. But I couldn't. Not while Bella was hurt in there, and it was all my fault. I couldn't get over that without reassurance. And despite that reassurance, I would always know inside that it _was_ my fault.

I could hear their words now echoing in my head.

_Jasper, it's not your fault._

_Don't worry about it, she's fine._

_Don't be so hard on yourself, Jazz._

I wished I wasn't. But it was hard to swaddle those feelings in this life. Vampire life only increased the intensity of the emotions. And the shame that I was experiencing now knocked the breath out of me.

I crouched low over a rock and hung my head, gulping down deep lungfuls of air.

I dreaded the thought of turning back and facing my family, only to have it made worse by the emotional climate that would no doubt asphyxiate me.

All six of them would be feeling the same: worry, disappointment, shame. And I had no other choice but to go right along and suffer with them.

I stopped breathing, and closed my eyes, attempting to clear my whirring mind. The thoughts would not slow, buzzing around and keeping me from relaxing. I sunk to using my own ability on myself.

I gently tried to ease a cloud of drowsiness over me, but it was a struggle. It fought against my push, pulling back. It was stronger than me, and I was easily defeated. I was just going to have to languish in this misery until it had tormented me enough.

There was a slight rustle of wind in the trees, and I caught a fresh scent—Edward was approaching.

It only took a few short seconds before he entered the small clearing where I was situated.

"Hey, Jazz." He sounded cautious.

I didn't reply, but turned around to face him, and sat down on the rock I was crouched on.

"I'm not mad at you," he reassured me. "I know it wasn't you acting back there."

"I'm really sorry, Edward," I began. "I don't know what came over me, I just couldn't resist the temptation any longer, my throat was burning like it was on fire, I—"

Edward interrupted my apology.

"Jazz, it's okay. I know how your feeling. Honestly, don't worry about it, Bella's fine, she's just got a cut up her arm from the glass. Carlisle's fixing her up now." His voice broke as he choked over Bella's name. He paused before he finished his monologue. "Everyone's worried about you."

"I don't deserve it," I quickly replied. "I was doing so good, as well! I hate this, knowing that Alice is constantly watching for my future, to see if I'm going to slip up. And you, always closely monitoring my thoughts for any signs. I can't take it anymore. Why am I not strong enough to resist?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Jazz. Honestly, at least you didn't hurt her. I'm the one responsible for that . . ."

"If she wouldn't have been hurt by you protecting her though . . . if you didn't jump between us . . . then Carlisle wouldn't be patching her up in there . . . and I wouldn't be sat out here, thirsty . . . and you wouldn't be talking to me right now. And Bella would be dead."

"That is true," Edward admitted. "But you're okay, Bella's okay . . . _everybody _isokay. This little incident doesn't count as a 'slip-up', you're still a vegetarian, Jasper." He half-smiled. I realised it must have felt strange for him, to be comforting me, when he must have been hurting so intensely himself. This fact only made me feel more guilty.

"Edward. I'm really truly sorry. And I will be forever more."

"Jasper, please, just leave it for now."

_For now_, I thought. This wasn't an event that would just blend into the background.

"Want to head back up to the house?" Edward asked.

I considered it for a moment. Did I want to face my family? I was going to have to sooner or later.

"Yeah." I stood up from the rock I was perched on and raced Edward back to the garden, where Emmett and Rosalie still stood, along with Alice.

Edward didn't linger in the garden, instead continuing into the house to be with Bella.

Alice danced over to my side instantly, to where I stood a good ten feet away from Rose and Emmett, and took my hand.

She gazed into my eyes, and I hers. Her emotions caught my attention, and smothered the other faltering feelings in the current climate.

She was blissful and content in this position, looking into _my_ face. This was how we expressed our feelings, or hers at least. This was how she showed her love for me. All she had to do was focus on me, and the overwhelming joy she felt at _me_ being with her was enough to knock me breathless. It still astonished me how a perfectly delectable being like Alice could love me.

I smiled a meek smile back at her, and she grinned up at me.

Her display of affection had lifted my spirits slightly.

She squeezed my hand lightly, and pulled me closer to where Emmett and Rosalie stood.

Emmett wasn't his usual self, and remained quiet with his arm wrapped round Rosalie's waist.

Rosalie was the first to break the long silence.

"Jasper. Don't worry about Bella. Edward's doing enough of that for everyone," she said, rolling her eyes.

I just nodded in agreement. She wouldn't be pleased to know that I couldn't help but worry about Bella.

"He's going to overreact about this," Emmett murmured, glancing toward the ground and shuffling uncomfortably.

"That's pretty much certain," Alice confirmed by my side, her wide golden eyes unfocused.

We all knew that Edward was prone to overreaction, but the question was, how much was it going to be this time?


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the characters or the story line, I just wish I did! They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's note**: Argh so sorry for the late update! I haven't added a chapter for so long, but I've just gotten back into my little writing routine now and I have a week off from school so I might write a few chapters within that time. Updates will probably be every 1-2 weeks now! Review please!

_Previously: "He's going to overreact about this," Emmett murmured, glancing toward the ground and shuffling uncomfortably._

"_That's pretty much certain," Alice confirmed by my side, her wide golden eyes unfocused._

_We all knew that Edward was prone to overreaction, but the question was, how much was it going to be this time?_

"Alice." Edward's stern voice came from behind me. He was standing by the back door.

Alice turned to face him, still clutching my hand.

"Could you get Bella a shirt to change into?"

I felt Alice pause for a split second before replying, no doubt studying his face for any tell-tale signs of emotion, but obviously came up short.

"Sure," Alice said, quickly turning her questioning expression into a smile. She placed one hand on my shoulder and pulled herself up onto her tip-toes to kiss me on the cheek, then with a quick squeeze, dropped my hand and led Edward back into the kitchen.

And then the evening was silent all around the three of us, with only the whisper of the crickets to keep us company.

"I—"

"Jasper," Rosalie interrupted me before I could utter another word. "Don't you dare wallow over this."

"But if he—"

"No." Her face was livid, and set like stone. "That wasn't your fault." She motioned her hand towards the house, referring to the night's events. "It was a natural reaction."  
Emmett stayed quiet, staring intently at the ground.

"Edward won't—" I attempted to speak again.

"Jazz really," Emmett finally broke his silence, a longing look occupied his face. "There's nothing you can do to help now."

I felt my face fall. The pleading expression vanished, and was instead replaced with a look of defeat. I knew that all too well. There was nothing I could do to make this better, to make Bella safe in my presence, to make Edward forgive me. I was helpless.

I glanced down at the ground. "You're right," I mumbled.

The three of us stayed in the garden until Edward took Bella home, feeling it best to keep me away from her so as to prevent any unnecessary reactions from Edward. I wanted to prolong that particular event for as long as possible.

Rosalie and Emmett lounged on the grass at the foot of one of the tall cedars, exchanging affectionate kisses and whispers.

I darted up said tree, and settled on one of the longer, older branches. I lay, draped across its length, gazing up at the star-speckled sky. The vast stretch of midnight blue was interrupted every so often with tiny specks of glitter.

I made shapes out of them in my mind; flowers, animals and abstract images. My little game was therapeutic.

The fresh, clean air soothed my whirring mind somewhat. There was a cool breeze that blew around me, rustling the leaves, and after an hour or so, a light mist descended from the sky.

It was the sort of rain that was barely noticeable, but soaked you to the skin if you spent any considerable amount of time in it.

Rosalie and Emmett made their way back into the warmth of the house, away from the wet. I stayed on my branch.

My clothes became heavier, drenched with water. The canopy of leaves above me was soon becoming useless, the weight of the rain pushed them apart, opening them and exposing me to the downpour. It was no longer a light mist, but an onslaught of rain.

My navy shirt stuck to my chest uncomfortably, my hair was plastered to my face. I pulled my arms up from beside me, where they felt like two dead weights. and rested my hands on my chest. The large rain drops gathered around my collar bones, and entangled themselves in my eyelashes. I was well and truly soaked, every surface of my body dripping with the water.

And now I could feel a pair of eyes on me—two pairs.

I turned my head to the right slowly. More drops slid down strands of hair and into my eyes. I blinked them away rapidly, struggling to make out two figures at the window through the curtains of rain.

Esme and Alice. Esme averted her eyes when I met her gaze, and glanced down for a second before turning her back to me and disappearing from the window.

Alice stayed. She didn't look down or turn away. Her eyes were fixed on me.

I watched her, and she watched me. We stayed like that for a few minutes, her empty expression dripping away as the seconds passed, and eventually disappeared into one of misery.

She raised her hand and began to write a message in the mist on the window. It read: "I'll be there soon."

She waited till I read the four, simple words, smiled, then vanished from the window.

I didn't move, but watched the window intently. Two long minutes passed, and once three were up, the message was almost gone, droplets of moisture having nearly completely washed it away.

I didn't have to wait any longer than four, though, for I heard the door click, and Alice was there. She held a black umbrella over her head, and when her searching eyes found me hidden in the trees, she wiggled her fingers at me in a wave.

I pulled myself up into a sitting position, letting my legs dangle over the side of the branch as she made her way across the garden to the foot of the cedar. Once she arrived, she stood there and stared up at me.

"It's raining," she shouted up to me, her little voice only just carrying.

"Oh," I replied, grinning.

"You're soaking." She gestured to my dripping physique with one hand and shook her head.

"It's only a bit of water," I argued, shaking my head back. Droplets flew everywhere, cascading down to where she stood.

She let out a little scream and quickly moved her umbrella in between us to shield her from the wet.

The movement caused her head to be exposed to the rain for a short second, and she quickly snapped the umbrella back into place, running her fingers through her short black hair a few times.  
"Look what you've done now!" she shouted. "You inadvertently got my hair wet!"

"Deal with it," I chuckled and grinned, and jumped down from the branch, hitting the ground with a purposeful thud as I landed in a deep puddle.

She screamed again, and jumped slightly as the water sprayed out and hit her bare legs.

"Jasper! I wish you w—" She stopped her scolding abruptly, sighed, and launched her umbrella across the garden. "Fine," she breathed. "I suppose you're right, it's just a bit of water." She grinned at me.

A few seconds of the downpour was all it took to soak her to the skin. Her grey dress was draped over her shoulders and clung to her little hips. Her spiky, black hair was elongated, the weight of the rain pulling it down to seem longer. The paleness of her skin was like a light in the centre of the gloomy garden, with a hint of rosy pink in the apples of her cheeks.

I hooked my arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me, leaning down to kiss her as I did so. She stretched up onto her tiptoes and flung her arms around my neck.

The kiss was long as we revelled in the surreality of the situation, and when we finally pulled away, we stayed just as close, our noses almost touching.

She had to shout when she spoke, the hammering of the rain was almost deafening. "This is . . . different."

"Indeed," I agreed. I reached behind my neck to grab her hands, placed one hand on my shoulder and held the other in my hand.

She smiled and giggled slightly in realisation. "We're going to dance in the rain?"

"Oh, why not?" I beamed back at her.

"How cliché," she mumbled, but went right along with me.

We swayed from side to side and revolved in a small circle, to the pitter-patter of the rain as it slowed slightly.

She rested her head on my chest, and we dropped the dancing stance. Instead I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, and she snaked hers around my waist. We stopped moving, and just stood in the centre of the garden very still.

"Jasper?" Alice asked after a few minutes. Her voice was cautious, unsure.

"Yes?" I was apprehensive. The feelings that had been emanating from her for the past fifteen minutes were triumph, over-whelming love and passion. But now she was suddenly anxious.

"Don't worry about Edward, okay? However he reacts . . ." she stopped, losing herself in her thoughts for a few seconds, "don't blame yourself for it."

"I won't," I whispered, rubbing my nose against her hair and inhaling her sweet scent.

She lifted her head from my shirt and gazed into my eyes.

"Do you promise?" Her face showed no traces of the romance we had just exchanged.

"Yes . . . why? What's wrong, Alice?" I lifted my hand to her face and traced my forefinger along her cheekbone.

"I don't _know_ how he's going to react . . ." she broke our gaze, and looked over my shoulder instead. Her eyes glazed over. I knew that look. "But I know that it's not going to be good."


End file.
